i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
