Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize