I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
