my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
