I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
