NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
