i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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