why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize