So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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