Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
