I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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