Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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