I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
