hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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