We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
