I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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