I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
