do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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