Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
