it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
