The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize