i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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