So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
