BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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