haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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