That's intense
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
