there's paper in my vomit.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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