You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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