so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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