So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
