So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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