We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize