I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
