And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
