I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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