I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize