Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
