He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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