If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
