tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
