I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize