so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
