literally had 100 drinks last night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
