There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
