i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
