There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
zippers are such a cool invention
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
