she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
