This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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