I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize