funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
