im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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