I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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