I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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