Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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