i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
