You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
