I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
