So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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