Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
