I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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