Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As shirtless as possible
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think your dad took our porno
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
