Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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