Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
