she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
