I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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