Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Come on in and take your pants off
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