I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
