Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
