I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
