I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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