I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
