I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
