You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
