Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
