Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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