Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
