i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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