this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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