Where is the hickey?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
