Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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