Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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