my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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