Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
